Isabella Maiellaro - The Struggles of Balancing Work and Family Life in Academia

The Struggles of Balancing Work and Family Life is a new interview series exploring how academics navigate the complex realities of combining a demanding career with personal and family life. Through honest conversations, we aim to shed light on the challenges, trade-offs, and strategies that shape life in academia - and to create space for more open dialogue about parenthood, wellbeing, and career progression in research.

We begin the series with Isabella Maiellaro, Assistant Professor at the University of Nottingham. Isabella shares her academic journey across Italy, the U.S., Germany, and the UK, reflecting on how motherhood has intersected with her career, and offers thoughtful insights into navigating bias, flexibility, and self-care while remaining deeply committed to science.

...academia is not the kind of job you can completely separate from, and that’s why flexibility, understanding, and proper structural support are absolutely essential.

Before we get into the more specific questions, please can you share your academic journey?

I completed both my undergraduate and PhD studies at the University of Bari in Italy. After finishing my PhD, I was offered a postdoctoral position at Harvard Medical School in Boston. I initially spent six months there, then returned for a longer four-year period. During that time, I was completely focused on my research - I loved the pace, the learning, and the energy of the environment. Starting a family wasn’t something I was thinking about at all back then. After my time in Boston, I moved to Germany for a second postdoc. I made that move because I was particularly interested in studying the cAMP signalling pathway, and there was an excellent lab there working in that area. Again, my primary focus was science. I was very happy and fulfilled by my work, and starting a family still wasn’t on my mind.

It wasn’t until I met my husband - during a conference in the U.S., though he was based in the UK and I was still in the U.S. at the time - that my perspective began to shift. We reconnected later when I was in Germany, and that’s when I started to think more seriously about the idea of building a life with someone. I was 28 then, and that was the first time I felt, “Yes, I could see myself having a family with this person.” Before that, I had never felt a strong urge to have children or settle down. I was simply living in the moment, fully immersed in my work and loving it.

What motivated you to pursue an academic career, and has your motivation changed?  

Honestly, it was never part of a grand plan - I didn’t set out to become an academic. When I first started university, I wasn’t even sure I would finish my degree. At the time, the dropout rate was around 30%, and I remember thinking, I’ll probably be one of them. So no, I didn’t sit down and map out a path to academia.

What drove me, and still drives me, is a deep love for science - for discovery, for asking questions, and for the process of figuring things out. I’ve always been drawn to the unknowns, to the constant cycle of curiosity, doubt, and problem-solving. I genuinely enjoy the troubleshooting side of research, the challenge of it. That passion has been the constant thread throughout my journey. Over time, while the environment and responsibilities have evolved, the core motivation hasn't really changed. I still get excited about asking new questions and exploring the answers. 

What are some of the biggest challenges you’ve faced in balancing academic demands with family responsibilities?

The challenges are high, especially because my husband and I don’t have extended family nearby to support us. It’s just the two of us, and balancing both careers and family life has required a lot of sacrifice and coordination. To be honest, I wouldn’t say there’s a perfect balance. There are times when work takes priority, and other times when family comes first. It’s more of a shifting dynamic: one of us carries 80% of the load while the other carries 20%, and then we switch. We support each other in that way.

One thing that really helps is that my husband is also an academic, so he understands the pressures: the grant deadlines, the weekend work, the mental load that comes with the job. I think if he weren’t in academia, I might have had a harder time explaining why certain things are non-negotiable. That shared understanding is a big advantage, but it’s also a double-edged sword; because we both live and breathe this world, it becomes harder to draw a clear line between work and family. Academia tends to bleed into personal life - it's not always easy to switch off, and we both struggle with that sometimes.

That said, one of the biggest advantages of academic life is flexibility. I can work from home when needed, and I have more control over my schedule than I might in many other professions. For example, in August or during academic breaks, I can take more time off, especially when I’m not teaching. That kind of flexibility is incredibly valuable when raising a family. So yes, it’s challenging, but it’s also manageable, as long as there’s communication, mutual support, and a willingness to constantly adapt.

Have you encountered biases or assumptions related to your role as both an academic and a parent? How did you address them?

I addressed it directly. I distanced myself from those who made such comments and made it clear that their assumptions were not only wrong but unacceptable.

Yes, definitely. One clear example stands out: I wrote a major fellowship application while I was pregnant, and I interviewed for it when my daughter was just four months old. I remember quite a few people (especially some male colleagues) being surprised that I was still pursuing an academic career at that point. There was a clear assumption that motherhood would mark the end of my ambitions. Some even openly expressed doubt that I would return to academia at all. It was shocking and, quite frankly, infuriating. I addressed it directly. I distanced myself from those who made such comments and made it clear that their assumptions were not only wrong but unacceptable. Unfortunately, this kind of bias is still common. I’ve seen several talented female colleagues shift away from academia after having children - not necessarily because they lost interest, but because the system can be incredibly demanding and unsupportive.

That said, I’ve always felt internally driven by my love for research and my commitment to my work. I never gave anyone the impression that pregnancy or motherhood would mean I was stepping back. For example, when my PhD student had their viva, I was there with my daughter, who was only one month old at the time. If something was important, especially when it affected other people, I showed up.

But the bias goes beyond colleagues - it’s also cultural. Coming from Italy, there's a lingering societal expectation that motherhood should come first, and work should take a back seat. It’s slowly changing, but it’s still present, and sometimes I wonder how much of that pressure is internalised. Even now, when my daughter is unwell, and my husband says he can take care of her, I often feel like I have to be the one there - not because I don’t trust him, but because it’s deeply ingrained in me. I want to be there for her. That’s just who I am. And I hope, in the long run, it makes a difference - that she grows up knowing she was loved, supported, and that her mother was present when it mattered. Although, I also know there will be times when I’ll have to say, “I have a meeting today,” and that’s ok too. It’s a constant balancing act.

Do you think issues like maternity leave, childcare availability, or flexible working arrangements impact women in academia?

The key is having systems in place that allow for that flexibility, without judgment or penalty.

Yes, absolutely - these issues have a significant impact. The reality is that every woman experiences motherhood differently. Some want to return to work very soon after giving birth, while others may need a full year or more before they're ready. The key is having systems in place that allow for that flexibility, without judgment or penalty.

But it’s not just about women. Flexibility must extend to fathers as well. For a mother to fully engage with her work, she needs real, practical support, and two weeks of paternity leave is nowhere near enough. If we’re serious about gender equality in academia, then we need to give both parents the time and space to adapt to life with a new child. That kind of shared responsibility makes it more feasible for women to continue their careers without burning out or stepping back. Things like the ability to breastfeed at work, to work reduced hours temporarily, or to shift your schedule to evenings - these make a huge difference. And in many cases, if those options were readily available, women might feel more comfortable returning to work sooner, or at least feel more empowered about how they manage that transition.

There’s also a unique challenge for women in leadership roles; for example, if you're a principal investigator (PI) running a lab, it’s incredibly hard to fully step away. When my daughter was little, I didn’t yet have a large team, but I had two PhD students nearing completion. Of course, I didn’t tell them, “I'm on maternity leave, figure it out.” I still read their theses, reviewed their work, and supported them. That sense of responsibility doesn’t just switch off.

And beyond the logistical side, there are biological and emotional shifts that happen, especially in the first six months after giving birth. It can be very difficult to focus or to detach from your child. That’s something people don’t often talk about, but it’s real. The good news is that if you're open and communicative, and if you have a supportive environment, it's possible to find a rhythm that works. But, academia is not the kind of job you can completely separate from, and that’s why flexibility, understanding, and proper structural support are absolutely essential.

Are there specific strategies or habits that have helped you maintain a balance between your academic work and family life?

Yes, but I have to be honest - it took me nearly six years to find what works and part of that was because I didn’t really have a model to follow. My mother was a housewife, so learning to be a different kind of mother (one who also prioritises a career) required a complete rethinking of what motherhood could look like. And I couldn’t fully relate to other examples I saw around me either. Everyone’s approach was different, but none felt like a perfect fit for me.

Exercise, good nutrition, time for rest - these aren’t luxuries, they’re foundational.

Now, I’ve developed a few habits that really help. One of the biggest changes has been how I manage my time. I’ve become much more intentional with how I schedule my day; I cluster tasks and block time clearly, including for my own wellbeing. Going to the gym, for example, is no longer optional or something I fit in "if I have time." It’s non-negotiable. I treat it the same way I would a meeting or a deadline, because I know it helps me stay grounded and healthy.

It’s taken a long time to get here, and it’s not just about motherhood. There are different life stages that impact women physically and mentally, and we don’t talk enough about that in academia. For example, going through perimenopause and menopause has been a brutal and eye-opening experience. For about a year, I didn’t recognise myself. I didn’t know what was happening at first because we simply don’t talk about it. There’s still a lot of ignorance and even shame around this stage of life, particularly because it often coincides with the end of fertility, which can carry its own emotional weight. That’s why I’ve become more committed to putting systems in place that support me - not just as an academic or a parent, but as a person. Exercise, good nutrition, time for rest - these aren’t luxuries, they’re foundational. I’ve learned to make those things non-negotiable, and in doing so, I’ve become better at managing everything else. And while it took time to reach this point, I think it’s something we should be encouraging more openly in academic spaces.

Looking back, would you do anything differently?

Honestly, no - I wouldn’t change much. I’m happy with how everything unfolded. If I could go back, the only thing I might do differently is marry my husband the first time we met, rather than waiting until the second time we crossed paths. We lost a bit of time there - time we could have spent together, maybe even had more children. But in the bigger picture, I have no regrets. I’m proud of my journey so far, and I feel incredibly grateful for both my family life and my career and my team. What excites me most is that I no longer feel like the best times are behind me. For a while, I did lose a bit of hope for the future and thought that maybe all the "fun" and growth were over. But that’s not how I feel anymore. If anything, I feel more inspired now. There are still so many things I want to explore, achieve, and become, especially in my career. I know what I’m aiming for, and I’m not planning to give up. The timeline might be different than I once imagined, but the ambition and passion are still very much there. 

What advice would you give to young women entering academia who are also considering starting a family?

Everyone’s journey is different, and what works for one person might not work for another.

I would say first and foremost, there’s no one-size-fits-all approach. The most important thing is to be true to yourself. Everyone’s journey is different, and what works for one person might not work for another. It’s essential to have an honest conversation with yourself about what you want and what feels right for you. There’s no rulebook that says you must take one year or two months of maternity leave - it’s about finding the balance that suits your life and your career. Being flexible and kind to yourself through that process is key.

At work, make sure that you create a circle of people that you trust, admire and that inspire you - those will be your power when (and if) you are down.

And lastly, accept your limits. It’s ok to acknowledge that you can’t do everything perfectly all the time. Recognising your limits and working within them is part of maintaining your wellbeing and sustaining a fulfilling career and family life. 

Stay true to yourself, keep the conversation going, and trust that you will find your own path.

Thank you to Isabella for sharing her powerful and honest reflections on balancing academia and family life. Her experiences highlight both the challenges and the possibilities of creating a fulfilling career while raising a family.

Keep an eye out for the next edition of the series, coming out at the start of next month.

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This interview was conducted by Neave Smith and edited by Rebecca Pope, with graphics produced by Shauna Angell. If you enjoyed this article, be the first to be notified about new posts by signing up to become a WiNUK member (top right of this page)! Interested in writing for WiNUK yourself? Contact us through the blog page and the editors will be in touch.